Eros Joy

Sexy and erotic cover art

2011-07-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

Eroticism begins in our thoughts--maybe spurred on by something we see or want to experience. How about a camping trip that turns hot and erotic?

Here is cover art from the DD Symms upcoming story Getaway. The story opens with skinny dipping near a waterfall, has conflict with a misunderstanding between the heroine and the hero who are camping next to each other, and turns hot when they resolve their misunderstanding.

Look for it to come out within the next several weeks. Until then, I hope it spurs some erotic thinking in your mind about taking a camping trip with a loved one ... or an evening escape.

Look for my other stories at my web site, DD Symms, Books.

eBook | eBook Overview Layover - DD Symms | Ebooks | BooksOnBoard eBook |

2011-06-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

eBook | eBook Overview Layover - DD Symms | Ebooks | BooksOnBoard eBook |

Relationship is the Heart of Eroticism

2011-04-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Pursuing erotic desires is the quest to have meaningful relationships.

sxc.hu/profile/obyvatel

This can be true for women who want their husbands and boyfriends to pay attention to them and appreciate the finer details about them like their eyes, their laugh, and their hair. If the man in their life is not paying attention to these intimate details, then they can experience a level of rejection.

For a man, it could be he wants his wife or girl friend to accept him on his erotic journey and explore sexually and have a venue for sharing sexual fantasies and not be put to shame.

sxc.hu/profile/docLEXfist

I’m currently writing an erotic romance, a novella, where the heroine of the story goes camping to getaway from a hectic life and find healing in the mountains. She meets a man who takes notice of her little details but then she gets kidnapped into an alternate world where there is plenty of sexual activity but there is no depth of relationship. Ultimately, there is no eroticism.

What if your significant other is not paying attention to you erotically? Feel free to show them this post and then ask them to pay attention to this part of you and to find a way to appreciate and accept your desires. Eroticism should bring us into deeper relationship with the ones we love.

Dressing sexy and erotically

2011-04-14T20:14:00.001-07:00

Dressing sexy to elicit erotic reactions from the ones we love does not require much budget.

That’s the good news. The right clothing does not have to break a budget and it does not even have to be purchased at a place like Victoria’s Secret. Heck, a sexy shirt can be purchased at a thrift store (seriously) and an awesome bra and panty set can be purchased at a discount retail outlet.

Look at the covers of erotic romance stories to get ideas for dressing sexy and erotically. My upcoming release, Riding Shotgun, features a cover with a woman dressed in a white shirt and a teal bra underneath. Not much budget required.

A teal bra and panty may not be easy to find but it’s doable.

Here’s the idea. Dressing sexy and erotically requires a sexy and erotic attitude. Attitude and sexy movements can generate a lot of heat between couples.

Go ahead and go to an upscale store with your lover to explore options. Find out what you both like when it comes to dressing erotically and sexy. That’s a great place to start and that itself can be a hot exercise. It doesn’t mean that you have to buy much or spend much but it will help you both communicate.

Riding Shotgun is an upcoming release published by Breathless Press and written by me. Visit my website at http://ddsymms.wordpress.com.

Building erotic anticipation

2011-03-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

The best sexual experiences begin in the mind and building erotic anticipation heightens the time together – whether it’s brief or whether the time together is a prolonged night of passion.

Building erotic anticipation can be simple to do: a lingering kiss or hug early in the week; a romantic note folded and left in a pocket; a favorite flower left on a pillow.

Make a romantic invitation and give it to your lover.

Sometimes erotic anticipation is more spontaneous and the time element is made compact.

It’s a theme I explored in my erotic short story Layover where a woman chooses to seek eroticism instead of spending a night alone after discovering she can’t make a connecting flight to Los Angeles.

Her night turns in to an evening of restrained Power Exchange with the anticipation of more hot moments to follow in the future.

Whether in fiction or real life, building anticipation is a great way to connect with the one you love.

Exploring sexual confidence in men

2011-03-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

Layover: a woman with desire meets a sexually confident man

A sexually confident man, I believe, can enjoy the presence of a beautiful woman and play along with her flirtatious behavior, and let her go if that is what she desires.

While developing character sketches for my short story, Layover, I explored the sexually confident man with the perspective of a man used to taking the dominant role sexually.

Writing the story made me conclude that a man can enjoy the process of seduction without rushing in to it. He could play along with the woman who may be seducing and dancing around in her intentions. He doesn’t jump at the chance for sex but finds himself moving with her to develop trust.

A lesson for men who wonder how to “seduce” a lover or their wife. In Layover, the “hero” smiles and tells the “heroine” that she probably expected him to be “easy” and she finds that is not the case.

Remember, men, seduction is a process. Be confident that you can entice a lover, whomever that may be, and it may take practice. But don’t see yourself as desperate. Work at replacing the desperation with confidence.

Layover is available from Breathless Press and through ddsymms.wordpress.com.

A difference between porn and erotica?

2011-03-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

Is there a difference between porn and erotica?

As a writer of fiction and non-fiction, I’ve come to appreciate how writing an erotic romance should really delve in to the character’s emotions and their reactions to the other characters in the story.

Porn, as I see it, shows a sexual act taking place but it may not go deeper than that. And yet there are the men and women in pornography who could be stronger as performers if the full range of their emotions were allowed to be shown and displayed.

Oh, sorry if this doesn’t make sense. There should be “intensity” and “connection” between characters. This should happen in an erotic story – short story, novella, or novel- and it often does not happen.

I believe it could happen more frequently than it does in what is considered pornography: a display of emotion and vulnerability, a dance between characters and desire that’s real.

That’s what captures readers and viewers – capturing our real responses to the situations in which we find ourselves. When this occurs, I think the line between erotica and pornography blends and crosses. Think Erica Lust or Zalman King.

My first short story, Layover, is being released by Breathless Press March 11. I had an excellent editor on the project.

My next story, Riding Shotgun, is in editing with Breathless and I’ll keep you posted on the release.

Both stories are quite different. Both stories have elements of BDSM and D/s and while the situations are different, there’s a certain quality in Riding Shotgun that sets it apart from Layover.

I’m working on an erotic romance novel and novella and will continue to create characters with the real emotions and real questions. Maybe the labels really don’t matter. What’s more important is if the readers appreciate and grasp the characters.

Thinking erotically for men and women

2011-01-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

Developing erotic thinking is more than just thinking about sexual activity or fantasizing. Erotic thinking is more deliberate. This is where the word "sensual" has importance. Sensuality uses the senses of touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. Use sensual living to enhance erotic thinking.

This is important for husbands who "wish" their wives had more interest in sexual activity. Stop and be willing to take those steps prior to help her discover her sensuality and erotic thinking.

Developing erotic thinking is important for women who want to please their husbands or significant other.

Here is a simple exercise--especially for women: set aside ten quiet minutes. Look in the mirror and enjoy looking at your eyes -- and letting them look back at you. While you're looking in the mirror, close your eyes momentarily and imagine standing in a peaceful location with gentle hands running the length of your body and touching your intimate areas such as your breasts and between your legs.

Imagine the one who is touching has your best interest in mind and will not let any harm come to you. It doesn't matter if there is a clear picture in your mind or not of the person touching you. As long as the trust exists in your thoughts.

Now open your eyes and imagine the scene again and imagine your husband or lover. Let the thoughts affect your sight and your smile--or a sensual parting of the lips.

Repeat this step two or three times per week.

An erotic idea while gardening

2011-01-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

While snow and cold temperatures grip most of the country, here's an erotic idea to consider while looking forward to spring and getting in the garden or flower bed: wear a straw hat, pink gloves, and nothing else--okay, maybe a bikini if you're shy.

I've been thinking how wearing a wide brim straw hat and nothing else could be quite fun and erotic. Or, the ladies, have your husband or lover take a picture of you while posing wearing a straw hat and gardening gloves and maybe holding a trowel.

Make eye contact with the camera and smile confidently or seductively. The eyes can really display eroticism.

I hope this shows that dressing up erotically can be simple and affordable. It doesn't always mean wearing expensive lingerie. Turn the mundane into something spicy for erotic fun in a relationship.

Layover from Breathless Press coming mid-March

2011-01-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

My short story, Layover, is scheduled for a March 11 release from Breathless Press. I'm happy about that and it was a good experience in writing erotic fiction. I have a novel in the works, two novellas, and two more short stories. That's why posting on the Eros Joy blog here has been tough.

Writing erotic fiction is not just about sex. It really includes getting inside the character's heads and seeing how their actions impact them. The same can be said about eroticism in real life. The more I've thought about it, the more I've thought how intense and satisfying sex is the outgrowth of eroticism and erotic thinking.

And what leads to erotic thinking? Attitude. This is where women who may not consider themselves good looking or physically attractive have a chance to shine. So much eroticism is reflected in the eyes. Seriously. And the thoughts - and the smile. I'll keep working on reflecting that in my writing and for women who want to add a new erotic dimension to their lives, then work on the smile and attitude.

Sensation play for erotic joy

2010-11-24T12:27:00.000-08:00

I like the term "sensation play" and the ability to instill erotic joy in a relationship. What is sensation play? Likely, you've heard about BDSM. It really is about having your partner feel different sensations. Married couples may think, "I could never involve my spouse in bdsm" even in a fun way. I had thought that for years with my wife. BDSM may seem too intense or degrading. So erase it from your mind and instead consider it as giving your partner surprises and sensations that he or she would otherwise not experience.

Spanking is one of the sensations I now use with my wife and I've increased the intensity of them. She can take a pretty good spanking which is fun to give and fun to see her cute bottom turn slightly red.

A blindfold is another way to give surprises and sensations. Buy a silk scarf from a department store or a blindfold from a drugstore outlet. The cost is quite affordable. Once your partner is wearing a blindfold and can't see, they need to know they can trust you. Using massage oil on them is another way to give a pleasant sensation.

Monday night we had the house to ourselves and though we had some calls to make we decided to have sex. While I got out the toys, I wound up not using any. Instead a few spanks, licking and massage oil did just fine. Sensations we produced were powerful and resulted in an orgasmic great time. I'll do some more postings on sensation play for erotic joy.

Writing romance: my first story getting published

2010-10-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

Writing romance for me is nothing new. Usually I kept it to myself or in the form of intimate letters to my wife. My first erotic story will be published by Breathless Press. I'll keep you up to date. The situation has to do with the choices a woman makes while stuck at O'Hare International Airport. Talk about a sexy setting! Not really, which made it fun to write!

I'm also finishing my first erotic romance novel. I've been re-writing one of the chapters and a publisher has asked for the first three chapters to review. I'm waiting for their response and hoping they'll request the complete manuscript.

What's great about writing romance, especially erotic romance, is creating a sense of anticipation between the characters and trying to keep the tensions and emotions honest and compelling so the reader wants to turn the pages.

I believe the eroticism lies in the details. Stay tuned!

Kissing - or almost kissing - and erotic joy

2010-10-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

Creating anticipation is one of the best ways of sparking erotic joy in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, there's no problem using a kiss - or an almost kiss - as a form of teasing to create the anticipation of a deep sexual experience later.

The thought came to me as I read a post by romance author Debra Kayn. She wrote about "almost kissing" with her husband and then walking away! Fortunately, sounds like they have a good relationship! Here's what Debra has to say about it:

"I love the moment right before a kiss more than the actual act. That sexual tension that builds between two people grabs me. Of course, that made me change the 10 second rule the next day, and I said that we have to get as close to kissing without actually kissing...and then walk away."

Read Debra's 10-second rule on kissing and learn more about her romance writing.

Think of the ways you can create anticipation in the next day or two: a soft brush of the lips, a touch on the bottom, a candle lit even if not trying to seduce your lover. There are many ways to create those moments that can lead to more intense passion later.

Panties and dressing for erotic joy

2010-08-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

Panties have an erotic quality that accentuate the beauty of a woman's body. Take time to study how the panties follow the natural curves of the butt and slide gracefully along the thighs and in between the legs.

Dressing erotically in panties and undressing can be done deliberately, moving the fabric over the legs slowly until the clothing is in place. There's no need to wait until it's time for lovemaking to show your partner your erotic skills in putting them on or taking them off.

If it's morning, and your spouse or partner is in bed, stand in front of the bed and a mirror, if there's one in your room, and hold them gracefully.

Then slowly lift your legs placing them through the openings and pull them slowly up your thighs and begin to wiggle as the fabric touches your bottom. Wait. Don't pull them all the way up. Keep them just below the curve of your butt and run your fingers through your hair and then reach down to finally pull them up over your rear and fit them snugly against your hips.

Taking them off in the evening can be done in the same way. Find a time when it's not necessary to rush. Try it at least once a week -- again, at a time when it's not just time for sexual contact. This is a way to maintain a level of seduction and arousal with a long-time partner.

Sensual massage oil for erotic touch and sexual talk

2010-07-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Sensual Massage Oil is one of the best ways to explore your lover's body, reduce inhibitions, and find the serenity to share fantasies.

Sharing fantasies and developing erotic communication is the first step toward a satisfying sexual life and exploring sexual fantasies. But speaking about your desires is challenging. We don't know how the other person listening will respond. Will they think we're spending our time thinking sexually when we should be more concerned about paying bills or improving our career choices - or spending time with the kids?

Take time to light candles, focus on each other, and begin a deeply erotic massage. Warm the oil in the microwave or over a candle. Rub it in your hands and begin at the shoulders before working your way down the back. Take time to focus on each muscle group.

And then raise the issue: say something gentle and leading like "do you know what I've been thinking about lately?"

Pause. Wait for the other person to respond. Be patient. Developing sexual talk and sharing fantasies takes time. Giving your lover a sexual massage is a good way to begin.

Adult pleasure toys from Eros and Isis

2010-03-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

Adult pleasure toys are easily found online, but the toys from Eros and Isis are the most unique and decorative toys I've seen.

They have an antique look to them but the "sustainable" toys are silicone.

Eros and Isis was launched after a personal shopping trip.

Iesza is the CEO of Eros and Isis, whom I contacted through Twitter after visiting what I felt is the most unique sites of its kind on the Web.

I asked her how she got started and came up with the idea of sustainable adult toys that have a “vintage” or “antique” look to them.

Inspiration for the entire concept of the company came to me during and
shortly after a "shopping trip" for a toy. I had been broken up from a
long term relationship and my girlfriends talked me into finding myself a
plastic boyfriend rather than a rebound relationship.

I perused the higher-end adult shops here in Vancouver to no avail.

Everything on the shelves seemed either goofy, or durogatory. I found
nothing in any of the shops appealing. Nothing "beautiful."

I thought about the industry in general. I thought, If I felt that way and
left empty handed, there must be other women who felt the same.

I thought about what excites me...What turns me on, and strangely I
couldn't shake thoughts of Paris, Art nouveau and ancient porn. I love
that secret, subtle naughtiness inherent in fine art of the past few
centuries.

In my opinon, the imagination is SO sexy and the fantasy that
these designs can conjure in the mind is much more than any blatant
silicone phallus can allow.

Click here to visit Eros and Isis.

Ah, the imagination is one of the greatest ways to find erotic joy. Lesson learned. Attract your lover through the mind -- and the heart (and erotic desires) -- will follow.

Romantic places in Los Angeles: the LA Arboretum

2010-02-23T19:05:00.000-08:00

A romantic place in Los Angeles is the LA County Arboretum which is actually in the city of Arcadia.

We took a walk in the Arboretum this afternoon under partly cloudy skies with cool breezes – the kind of temperature and environment which I find particularly conducive to romance and romantic thought.

The Arboretum has open expanses with nicely framed views of the San Gabriel Mountains in the background. There are plenty of paths through wooded spots where lovers of any age can wander through trees and have a feeling of seclusion.

There is a large pond with trails around it that have thick trees and bamboo shooting high. But today, we found something a bit different. In the Korean garden, there is a waterfall with steps leading up to a knoll and on top there is a large flat area with beautiful views of the mountains and the gardens below.

We climbed the several dozen steps and strolled down the winding road bringing us around the back side of the hill and to the grounds below.

There are plenty of nice places to hug, kiss, and simply be quiet. During the weekdays, it’s a wonderful time to catch an hour or two since visitors are fewer and the Arboretum is large enough to allow private conversations.

For those who live in the area, having an annual pass to the LA Arboretum is definitely worth the price. The grounds are a romantic inspiration.

5 ways to start an erotic talk

2010-02-22T10:17:00.003-08:00

Erotic joy – including having an erotic talk about your fantasies and desires – includes laying an emotionally beautiful foundation with the one who shares your body.

Here are 5 things you can tell that special someone today:

Lovely eyes – notice how lovely his or her eyes are. Tell them how you enjoy when they look longingly at you.

Lips – tell them how much you enjoy their lips brushing against your lips and how you enjoy the warmth of their kisses

Thoughts – tell them how special it makes you feel when you can share your most intimate thoughts and desires without the fear of being judged.

Positive comparisons – write a brief note to compare their traits to something positive and romantic like a rose. “You make me feel vibrant like a blooming rose and your embrace nourishes me.”

Touch – tell them how much you appreciate their simple, everyday touches.

Intimacy builds in the details – the moments -- that are shared. As they’re communicated, a foundation can be laid for sharing more fantasies and desires.

During the middle of busy moments, find the time to whisper one of these comments to your spouse, partner, lover. While drastic changes won’t occur immediately, make it a practice and over time inhibitions may lower and overall intimacy can improve.

Image "Summer Rose" from http://www.sxc.hu/profile/daniel437

7 Tips for Romancing Your Spouse

2010-02-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

Developing intimacy with your spouse requires a commitment to romancing your spouse as well.

Romance, intimacy and sexual erotic joy are a mystery in some ways but they can, and should, be incorporated into our daily lives. After all, why compartmentalize ourselves? Instead, live as a whole person.

Here are tips to romance your spouse, partner, every day:

1) Touch. Find ways to touch lightly, frequently. Let fingers touch against a hip, an arm, or a hand.

2) Stop for a six-second hug. Don't be afraid if one spouse is upset, disappointed or feels like nothing good is happening in life. That's even more reason to give a hug.

3) Read a poem out loud in bed on a weeknight.

4) Buy a flower, one flower, and give it with a note saying "thanks for your love. I was thinking about you."

5) Place a heart in a lunch bag, briefcase or on the dashboard of the car.

6) Offer to do a chore around the house the other one normally does

7) Purchase a romantic ebook from a publisher

Romancing your spouse and your partner is important even in times of career downturns, financial stress, or family upheavel.

Create the moments for erotic joy and romance -- don't wait for them to somehow magically occur. That's the test of a strong relationship and helps fantasy mesh a bit more closely with reality.

Creative Erotic Art of Male and Female Sexuality: Evolution, Education, Health, Oral Sex, Positions, Masturbation, Pornography, Laws

2010-02-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

Human sexuality in its many forms and facets is covered on this site that I came across. I can recommend it since it's deep with some great information.

Creative Erotic Art of Male and Female Sexuality: Evolution, Education, Health, Oral Sex, Positions, Masturbation, Pornography, Laws: "http://sexuality.spaceandmotion.com/"

Romancing Your Spouse with a Lap Dance

2010-02-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

Put some erotic joy and romance in to your relationship with a lap dance. I came across the idea after seeing an article from a woman, Angel Vee, who listed quite a few songs that would work well for giving a spouse or lover a lap dance:

"On my first Valentine's Day with my husband one of his gifts was a Valentine's day lap dance. Trying to find that perfect song was so hard, due to all the great hits out there. But I ended up choosing a song called 'Darling Nikki" by Prince. This song was a perfect choice for a lap dance. It allowed me to strut my stuff nice and slow and allowed my husband to get in the midst of la la land exactly where I wanted him before the song ended."

Click here to read the rest of the article "Hot Valentine's Day Lap Dance Songs."

Not comfortable with giving a lap dance? Keep it simple. Tell your lover you have something special for him. Have a cd player near by and a chair. When the music starts, you don't even have to do too much moving.

stroke his hair lightly
breathe in his ear
run your hands on his chest and along his thighs
straddle across him

Swivel your hips since men like the shape of a woman's body -- even when you have a few extra pounds or you don't consider yourself a great dancer.

The attitude of seduction is more important than the physical moves.

Click here for more ideas on romancing your spouse.

Photo courtesy of www.editae.com.br

Massage oils for giving gentle massages

2010-01-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

Favorite Massage Oils for Sensual, Erotic Massages

Giving a deep, sensual massage with the right massage oil or lotion is an effective way to relax and lower inhibitions to block out the demands and pressures of everyday life. Choosing the right lotion adds to the pleasurable sensations.

Here are favorites I recommend:

Vanilla Blackberry Currant from Bath and Body Works was one of our favorites. Price range $ 13 to $ 16

This was one of the first massage lotions we found that we really liked. And it lasted us several months. Only a few drops were needed to provide a soothing massage. The oil felt smooth and clean. The aroma was quite pleasant.

Mood Succulent by Victoria’s Secret $5 - on sale when we purchased

A collection of seductive fragrances composed of aphrodisiacs from around the world designed to stimulate the senses and enhance every mood. The aroma is blackberry and vanilla. So the theme for us on the aromas we enjoy are clear!

While the copy may be a bit overstated, it’s also pleasant and the price was right as well. Again, only small amounts are needed and even when massaging once a week or once every two weeks, the entire supply will last several months.

Click here to read this article in its entirety.

Image courtesy of sxc.hu

Valentine's Gifts on a Budget

2010-01-28T08:11:00.000-08:00

It is possible to buy Valentine's Day gifts on a budget.

My wife bought some nice, tight red boy shorts this week at one of her favorite stores. It's not a store where one would normally think of buying Valentine's Day gifts. But it certainly is one of her favorite stores for shopping.

Boy shorts and panties for just under $ 1.00? Yep.

So what is this place? The 99 Cents Store!

She bought them and then placed them under my pillow -- which I don't know if that was by accident or on purpose -- and then I wrote a nice note simply saying "nice."

When she puts them on, I know she'll look great in them.

So Valentine's Day lingerie for under $ 1.00 at the 99 Cents Store.

Click here for more Valentine's Day gift ideas.

How to enjoy sexuality and eroticism

2010-01-26T22:44:00.000-08:00

Enjoying erotic and sexual pleasure is not always easy.

Sex coach and counselor Rachel Scheer gives tips on simple ways to increase positive sexual awareness:

It's awful to think about the fact that many people have been sexually abused. A large number of these people suffer in silence, and then this secret burns within them forever.

There are also people out there that have sexual inhibitions because they never received sex-positive messages growing up.

Perhaps they were told that sex is dirty, so they remain virgins and don't pursue romantic relationships. This Wednesday, January 27, I'll talk about these issues and what you can do to move forward in life. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Give yourself permission to be sexual. You deserve pleasure, so don't be afraid to masturbate or get a sensual massage.

2. Surround yourself with loving objects and people. Only hang out with friends and family that make you happy.

3. Face the truth about your past. You can't change what happened, but you can make positive changes within yourself.

Rachel tips are part of her current workshops on sexual health for women.

Fun Sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas

2010-01-21T22:42:00.000-08:00

Here are fun, sexy Valentine's Gift Ideas that are unique and affordable.

If you want to let readers know any of your favorite Valentine's Gift ideas then see the email address at the end.

Talk to a Sex Coach!
Why not speak with someone who can keep your fantasies and desires in confidence and offer insight in to your relationship as well? Rachel Scheer, a guest writer on Eros Joy, is available for either in-person or phone consultations at 310-903-2399 or email rachel@scheerintimacy.com.

She can address a variety of issues or offer fun ideas to spice up a sex life and create greater intimacy. If you do consult her, then tell her you learned about her on Eros Joy. Rachel's been hosting a sexual health series for women recently.

Honey
Drip honey on your honey as part of a quiet, sensual massage. Clean it off by licking and giving a nice, warm sponge bath.

Love Letter
Writing a love letter is one way to express sentiments. For men who have no talent in the area of crafts, then simply write the main things you appreciate about your sweetheart and print the document off on nicely decorated paper with flowers. The paper is available at any office supply store - and often in individual sheets.

Romance Novel Gift Collection
Visit a used bookstore and purchase a few different romance novels that run from tame to wild. Debbie Macomber is a favorite and stores also sell collections of erotica for women and couples. Books may be as little as $ 1.00 to $ 3.99 and in good condition or order online. For more Valentine's Day gift ideas, visit this online article Valentine Gifts: Fun and Affordable.

When celebrating those moments in Valentine's Day, it's not the money but it really is the thought that counts. That's lasting intimacy.

If you do want to share any Valentine's Day gift ideas with readers then email me at deesm111@yahoo.com.

Click here for Valentine's Day gift ideas on a budget.

Spark romance in marriage with a romance novel

2010-01-19T19:25:00.000-08:00

Spark romance in a marriage with a romance novel with a character that is identifiable.

I bought my wife a romance novel by author Debbie Macomber, "Morning Comes Softly." I bought it at a used bookstore and glanced at it, thinking she would enjoy it. She did. She read it non-stop and finished the more than 300-page novel in about a week.

The two main characters are a rancher from Montana who places an ad in a newspaper for a wife and a librarian from Louisiana answers the. The novel picks up on their uneasiness, and then the two characters realize that after they become husband and wife they have to go to bed with each other!

Macomber deals wonderfully with the awkwardness between the sexually experienced rancher and the inexperienced librarian and gives the woman a feisty yet quite likeable demeanor.

It was a novel that helped us discuss a bit more about our own expectations for romance and sexuality in our own marriage.

"Morning Comes Softly" is available through Amazon or many romance book sites.

Dating tips for career-minded singles

2010-01-19T13:50:00.000-08:00

I'm providing these dating tips for busy people since it's difficult to find love in this career-minded world.

Some people don't know how to approach an attractive person, while others fear what people will think of their bodies when the clothes come off.

This Wednesday, January 20, I'll talk about the popular topic of dating and discuss how people can get more dates and eventually be in a committed relationship. Along with this, I'll also explain how self-consciousness about your body can have a negative effect on your love life. Here are some tips for the week:

1. Try out new activities, and sign up for classes and events that
interest YOU. You're bound to meet other singles, and then you can improve your new skills together.

2. If the thing you hate most about your body can be fixed, then fix it! There are so many doctors and stylists and coaches that can help you, so don't be afraid to make a change for the better.

3. Try dating people that aren't your exact type. Your perfect match may be someone who doesn't have any of the qualities on your top ten list.

photo courtesy of Penny Matthews
www.credos.us/zoofythejinx

Tips for orgasm and women's sexual health seminar

2010-01-12T10:28:00.000-08:00

Women can achieve wonderful, pleasurable orgasms if they put in the effort. For some, it comes naturally, but for others, it requires much time, patience, and practice.

This Wednesday, January 13 at 6:30 pm, I will be having a women's seminar that discusses what women can do if they have never experienced an orgasm or if they are unable to experience one with their partners.

To RSVP, call me, Rachel Scheer, 310-903-2399 or email rachel@scheerintimacy.com.

There are a variety of causes for the inability to achieve orgasms, ranging from lack of clitoral stimulation to a negative attitude about sex.

Here are some tips to have more powerful orgasms, and feel free to join me on Wednesday to learn more about this topic.

1. Kegel Exercises: PC muscles can increase pleasure and improve your ability to have an orgasm. These muscles can be found by trying to stop the flow of urine. Squeeze and release them as often as possible.

2. Relaxation: Make sure you're alone and won't be disturbed. Lie down and take long, deep breaths to relax your mind and body. Let go of all your stress. You can meditate, take a bubble bath, or listen to sensual music to put yourself in a relaxed state of mind.

3. Sexual Fantasies: Get erotic magazines, pornography, attractive nude pictures, or whatever you prefer and imagine doing the sexual acts shown. Come up with your own fantasies, and feel free to be as creative as you'd like.

There are two more seminars scheduled for January 20 and January 27. For more details, visit www.scheerintimacy.com.

Sexual desire for women by Rachel Scheer

2010-01-04T23:01:00.000-08:00

As a Love and Sexuality Coach, I have found that the most common sexual issue women deal with is lack of desire.

Men are usually full of testosterone which boosts their libidos, but women are often not in the mood due to many possible factors.

On Wednesday, January 6, I will discuss many of the causes of low sexual desire for women and go over some ways to resolve this issue. Here are a few tips, and more information will be shared at the workshop.

1. Talk to your partner if you're upset with him. Communication is key for a successful relationship. Being angry lowers your sexual desire, and the problem will eventually blow up in your face if it's not discussed.

2. Masturbation is important for your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. It can release your daily tension and boost your libido. Give it a try!

3. Plan sex dates with your partner. If you feel like you never have time or energy to get intimate, then schedule one night a week where you must have alone time with your man.

Sexual health series in Los Angeles for women

2010-01-04T14:18:00.001-08:00

A four-week "Sexual Health Series for Women" is taking place starting Wednesday evenings January 6.

The series is led by Rachel Scheer, Certified Love and Sexuality Coach who can be reached at www.scheerintimacy.com.

The series will begin Wednesdays at 6:30 pm, 400 S. Beverly Drive, Suite 316, Beverly Hills, CA 90212. The topics to be covered are:

January 6: Low Sexual Desire

Do you feel like you are never in the mood for sex? Learn how to work through this common dilemma.

January 13: Orgasms

Are you unable to reach orgasm either by yourself or with a partner? We will discuss the causes and ways to resolve this issue.

January 20: Dating and Body Image Issues

Are you having a tough time finding the love you deserve? Are you self-conscious about your body? Find out how to conquer your dating fears.

January 27: Sexual Inhibitions and Trauma

Do you feel guilty about having sex? Have you ever had a bad sexual experience? We will spend this evening helping you remove your negative thoughts.

For women ages 18 and up

$20 per week (cash only)

RSVP to rachel@scheerintimacy.com

Erotic tip: touch

2010-01-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Touch is a way to stimulate eroticism in everyday situations. Here are 3 simple tips to make touch a part of your everyday life and increase the erotic joy in your relationship.

Step 1

Simply walk to where your partner is -- the kitchen, garage, front yard -- and touch him or her on the shoulder or move your finger along the hand.

Step 2

For relationships where passion has dulled, or one partner does not seem to be aware of the other, don't rush too many little touches in to a single day. Plan on one deliberate touch once a day or once every other day to start.

Step 3

Say one caring word about your partner as you make the touch. Say your husband is filling up the water container that's kept in the refrigerator. Simply move your finger along his shoulder and say "thanks, sweetheart, for taking time to do that."

Summary

One soft touch may not transform a dull moment into heightened eroticism and passionate lovemaking, but a series of light gentle touches sends a signal of caring and awareness.

Erotic Touches on My Wife: Her Bottom

2009-05-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

I enjoy touching my wife's bottom even during the day when she's wearing jeans. I like to slide my hand over the buttocks and sometimes I will slap them.

I don't slap too hard, especially during the course of the day when I'm walking through a room like the kitchen and she's bending over the dishwasher. I like to her surprise!

To let her know I want her in the evening, I will lay my hand against her rear end - her derriere - and I will leave it momentarily and then I'll walk away without saying anything.

Touch is so important and I think of it now . . . when she lies against me in bed and she backs up to me . . . my erection presses against her and I wrap my arms around her torso and I feel her small breasts and then I kiss her on the back of the neck.

Visions form in my imagination of her being massaged and, in reality, I begin to massage her bottom. I touch her . . . gently, sometimes I will pull back the sheets and I will spank her lightly.

I can tell she's aroused when she begins to move her hips up and down, up and down . . . I will place my fingers between her legs and kiss her ear, breathing deeply into it.

The touches may not always lead to intercourse. Many times I will straddle her and she will lick me while I will bend over and place my tongue inside her and against her clitoris.

photo courtesy Lotushead, www.pixelpusher.co.za

Eros Joy in Real Life

2008-11-23T16:15:00.000-08:00

Last night, I lay tired and frustrated by my wife's side. It was about 9:50 and the noise of the previous weeks and the evening was engulfing me and would not let go. I had told my wife about my frustration in how in so much of our marriage she would not stop parenting and I needed a break.

In addition, a family member of mine who is in serious trouble is in the area and needing a great deal of help.

Although she wore a favorite red top of mine and a red thong, I didn't touch her.

Emotionally, I lay drained and while wanting to be aroused and make love I could feel a sullenness gripping me. I turned over, hugged a pillow and drifted fitfully to sleep. Then the baby cried - my wife got up to see her and settle her down.

There are no easy answers except to say I continue to be the decision-maker.

Yes, I want to feel her thighs and touch her softly below her navel. I want to enjoy the fabric that is so soft and let my hand linger between her legs. I want to kiss her in the ear and pull her close to me.

But I also want quiet. I want stillness and I want the world to not rush so rapidly. I want the yelling among the kids to stop and I want those who are sick to find the help they need.

I want to feel rejuvenated in order to meet those needs.

This is where fantasy and reality collide and where taking time to refresh is so necessary.

Yet, slowing down is so hard.

Romancing Your Spouse: Mild to Wild Ideas

2008-11-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

I finally decided how to direct my erotic thoughts about my wife. Last week, I wrote an article on romancing your spouse using times together that are tame yet offer chances to talk while also developing a deeper eroticism and connection together through more erotic times.

As I write this post, the thoughts are swirling through my mind on the many erotic ways a husband and wife can stimulate each other.

I also realized why it's important as the whirldwind of serious news swirls all around: the two of you can be a safe haven for each other.

Romancing your spouse prevents you from taking each other for granted. It also lets you be vulnerable with each other in new ways. It's not just hedonistic. Being erotic with your spouse must be done in the face of harsh, cold reality.

As I Ponder Sexually Speaking . . .

2008-06-03T10:10:00.001-07:00

As I ponder the use of this blog, why I originally created it, who I am, and what the purpose of this should be, I determined that one, practical reason would be to help husbands understand how they can approach their wives sexually and create an interest and passion.

I'll be back soon to continue writing on tips to help husbands capture the erotic attention of their wives.

Opening Up to My Wife - Part 2

2007-11-28T11:56:00.002-08:00

It was November of last year and I spoke with a woman I had previously met online about my desires and how I felt jealous of other couples who were free in their sexual exploration with each other.

She "challenged" me to try the same with my wife. I described our backgrounds and how she had always seemed so sexually different than me. I had a deep interest in, and appreciation for, bdsm. Now there are many different levels and ways to approach this type of play. But it always elicited a deep, passionate response in me.

So what to do? I found it hard to talk but one time while making love I took her wrists and held them above her head and moved her legs so she was spread-eagle. I told her how much I enjoyed her like that.

Romance - vital. I wrote her several long, romantic notes, printed them nicely on decorative paper and placed them in an attractive photoalbum that served as the binder.

She loved the gift. And I also wrote about my enjoyment of bdsm and how I liked her exploring.

Are you having trouble talking with your husband or wife about your sexual desires? Do they show an interest or not? Yes, it's vulnerable because you want them to react positively. But go ahead and take that risk and take it ever so slowly.

We did an overnight in a local hotel between Christmas and New Year. She brought along several pairs of panties and gave me a nice fashion show.

I had purchased a rabbit fur and leather flogger and surprised her with it for the first time. Since then, it's become an integral part of our play and she even packed it for a weekend when we went to a weekend conference.

However, we didn't get to use it since we had our granddaughter along. Yes, I'm a young, young grandfather in my mid-40s thanks to our oldest daughter whom we adopted at age 7.

Talk to your wife or husband about your sexual desires. Be patient. It's worth the discussion and the risk.

Opening Up to My Wife - Part 1

2007-11-28T11:56:00.001-08:00

I remember several years ago (hard to believe but it was several) logging on to a popular bondage site that was geared toward afficinados of all types and interest levels. I ended up emailing a couple of women and being quick to log off whenever my wife was around.

We got married in our late 20s and we're both active in our faith subscribing to quite conservative beliefs.

Yet, I never felt free to share my deepest fantasies that included bdsm with her until a year ago when we were going through another deep family crisis with our children. I also could never imagine her - of all people - enjoying some form of bdsm with me.

It reached the point where she was so consumed by the need to run our house day to day that she had little time and no energy for me. I was struggling in my commission-only sales job, too. I began discovering and wondering if my sexual needs were simply an expression of my selfishness or if they were, in fact, important to my well-being.

I decided they were. But there was a chasm of 6 teenagers (our adopted 4 with two boys as guardians) and their range of emotional and mental health needs.

I thought about an affair and I purused an online site for marrieds to have an affair with each other. But the burden and the difficulty of actually meeting someone on the site was painful. What would I do?

Welcome

2007-11-28T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm starting this blog since sexuality is so much a part of the human experience. While it can be a source of frustration, crude jokes and pain, I've discovered with my wife of nearly 20 years how it's also a source of inspiration and joy.

I'll share my writings, tips from other like-minded bloggers and I'd love to answer questions you may have related to sexuality and erotic adventures.